Monday, February 8, 2010

From Liz: Twitchy Yoga Witchy.

Do you knock on wood? We're Jewish, right? So superstition presents a powerful undertow in our lives. Sometimes rational though prevails, and I can resist it. But it often creeps in, that need to order the world and hold chaos at bay through minute and obsessive ritual. And I wasn't even born to this tribe. :) Apparently hockey players and other athletes are also a superstitious bunch. They forgo shaving for an entire season, or indulge in little twitches an ticks as they step up to the plate. There is magic in this ritualism, a charming nod to faith in faith itself.

I've been catching myself indulging in such tics on the mat. I tidy my hair, straighten my mat just so. The fussy analysis and worry-warting starts up pretty quickly too. How steady is that first chatturanga? And then, my dismount from Ardha Baddha Padmottanasana tells me how the rest of the hour will go. Or rather, I tell myself that it's a good indicator of my presence level. I get caught up in the drama of success or failure. It all amounts to a kind of avoidance, stepping out of flow to indulge in the mental and physical fidgets. I wonder what I'm avoiding. Probably the practice itself. It doesn't have to be that much more than that, does it? Sometimes the series is literally itself, not a symbol or an exercise in transference. My work for the next little while will be this: let go of virtuosity in favor of stillness.
Be here now, dummy.

To answer your question: I am not teaching much at all these days. I burned out, gave it away. Now I've "got it back," (thankyouverymuch asthanga) and my schedule just won't really allow for regular classes. Instead, I found a new outlet for my yoga life: Yoga Bear. I'm the new studio coordinator for NYC and environs. We (I guess I can say "we" now) provide yoga to people in recovery from cancer. It's volunteer work, which feels right for my current mood. I'm tired of teaching the same, self-enclosed elite. And I'm not feeling competitive, for another thing. I don't want to have to "market" myself. And I mostly don't want to make this thing that I love so much into someone else's revenue stream (working in someone's studio). So I guess I would be open to teaching privately, on my own very specific terms, but that is a lot to ask. These days, it's my way or the... well, you know. Intransigence has a limited audience.

In re: amplified orgasms (mentioned here) I'm not sure that HH has noticed. But I'm sure that he's glad for the extra attention. Heh.

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